Food Consumption

Today I wanted to cover a very light-hearted topic, food consumption. Some of you may know that I love most kinds of foods and many different ethnic foods. I am particularly fond of Japanese Sushi and it is that subject that I wish to briefly cover.

We have been craving Sushi for some time and found some reasonable Sushi rolls at the local grocery store. Well, Steve loves sushi so much, and we haven't had it for so long, so he decided that he was going to figure out how to make his own. The problem with that is we really can't use raw fish, even the grocery store does not recommend using raw fish... So he decides on the next best thing, cooked fish, and imitation crab meat and imitation crab salad. Not a bad idea, we have the rice, we have the crab meat, but we don't have anything else.

I would like to point out that we do not have any really good Japanese Markets in our area, at least not within 30 miles of here. So, off to the local grocery we go, looking for components for sushi making. I tried to warn Steve that we would most likely be lacking some critical elements, but he poo-pooed me away. We were able to find in the little "Asian" food section, some Wasabi (Japanese horseradish) and.... that's about it. We can't find any seaweed, or any real sushi rice but I know how to make my regular rice get sticky (don't rinse it too well). Steve decides that we don't need all that extra stuff for his sushi idea, so we go home with yet more imitation crab meat, crab salad and, of all things, chicken salad. We couldn't even find any good fresh ginger to add to the mix. I am not allowed in the kitchen to see the creations he is working up. My only job was to make the rice good and sticky.

Well, it has been a long time since I made good sticky rice, and the rice I have isn't the greatest or freshest anyway. So, we discover that my rice is not very sticky (I may have still washed it more than I should have) but Steve makes the best with what we have. I get a plate of rice, sort of rolled around the crab meat. There is no seaweed holding the whole mess together (we could have created at least a version of sashimi with the seaweed...) a blob of the wasabi and a small container of soy sauce. Now if any of you have had wasabi, can be some of the hottest horseradish around. If it is quality wasabi, a little bit can really clear your head (and everything else).

We both assume that since this grocery didn't have the greatest Japanese food selection, that this particular brand of wasabi was not going to be too warm. HA! The little bit I took, made my eyes cross. I tasted my wasabi first, before combining it with the rest of the pseudo sushi Steve created. That was the best thing I could have done. As I was enjoying what Steve created (the taste was excellent, the presentation left more than a little to be desired), I hear bellowing from the other room. (I was eating my meal in the computer room) As I rush out to see what the matter is, Steve is on the couch, his face as red as a beet, struggling to breathe. He said he swallowed molten lava and his mouth and throat had melted.

At this point, I think he is choking on either a piece of rice or some crab, but he manages to gasp out that he took a glob of wasabe into his mouth along with the food. Well, I couldn't stop laughing. Here he is, just hollering his head off, trying to drink everything within his grasp at the couch, and I could do nothing more than laugh. He finally gets enough breath to wobble to the kitchen to refill his water pitcher. But that is still not enough to calm the fire in his mouth. He is still hyper-ventilating from consuming too much wasabe in one mouthful, and he manages to pour most of the water in his mouth and down his front. He then decides to stick his head under the water faucet and run water directly into his mouth. Still, he does not get relief. By this time I am laughing so hard I am crying and can be of no assistance to him. We don't have milk in the house, so there really was nothing else to pour down his throat. I thought for a while of opening a beer and sending that down, but figured he would just choke on it and make a major mess.

After about five minutes of his running around the house, having intermittent breathing issues (it was getting a little scary, he couldn't stop hyper-ventilating) he kept coming back to the kitchen and putting his head under the water faucet to get more water in his mouth. By the time the wasabe stopped turning his mouth into a lava flow, Steve was sopping wet. His face was finally returning to a more normal pink color, for a while there it was almost as red as a stop sign. He then pointed to the little blob of wasabe that remained on his plate and asked if I wanted any. Needless to say, I knew what I was getting into and politely declined the offer.

What Steve learned about wasabe is:

1 - don't trust it....EVER;
2 - only take a VERY LITTLE bit, until you are sure you can handle it;
3 - it will turn your mouth and throat into lava flows;
4 - Do not rely on anyone to be able to assist, they will be laughing too hard;
5 - it will clear your sinuses, and everything else that may have been congested, and lastly
6 - it will hurt to fart later on....

Hopefully this experience caused you to smile and treat wasabe with some form of respect.

Until tomorrow...