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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

More humor before the Holidays

Well, I was going to cover a relatively serious subject today, but felt that prior to the holidays, we all need a little more levity. Many of us are stressed about preparing for the holidays, stressed about the holidays, stressed about jobs, money, etc. Some of us stress about the stress we are under. Wow...

I think I was witness to some of that stress today in the grocery store. This year I got a wild hair and decided this was the year to cook a turkey for Thanksgiving. Usually we are on the road to a rally, so we almost always eat out or eat at a friend's house while we are on our way to a rally. This time we are staying close to home, and it has been years since I cooked a turkey. Steve is understandably concerned, I don't usually like to cook, and my cooking isn't bad, it is just boring...

Well, in my effort to prepare Thanksgiving dinner, I wandered into the grocery store this morning, thinking that early in the morning would be less crowded. Boy, did I have that wrong. I didn't realize how many people also believe that Tuesday morning is the day to purchase the ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner. It was elbow to elbow people in the store, many of them getting frustrated because they couldn't get to the foods they were looking for because there were so many people milling around with shopping carts. There were people three deep in the frozen turkey section.

The crowd around the frozen turkeys were so agitated that they actually almost came to blows over the frozen turkeys. Apparently most of the people there only wanted a turkey around 5-6 pounds and all that could be found were 11 pounds and up. As I was watching people frantically digging through the frozen turkeys (and there were at least 50 birds in the freezer section when I was there) if someone thought they found a small bird, people started pushing to get a grip on that bird. At one point the butcher came out with a 7 pound bird, and asked if anyone was interested in it. One minute you see the butcher with a frozen turkey in her hand, the next minute you see a bunch of older people grabbing for the bird and you can't see the butcher... I started worrying for her safety.

When one lady got the small bird, there was a general dejected sigh from the crowd as they turned their attention back to the frozen pile of turkeys. The butcher tried telling everyone that all the smaller turkeys were gone, but I believe the general hubbub kept her from being heard. By this time I had managed to wiggle my way towards the frozen birds, grabbed the closest one to me and quickly backed off. My bird was 11 pounds, which is fine, I will be eating turkey through the end of the year. I even considered using my turkey to go bowling and clear a path for me to the checkout counter. I think I could have easily knocked over 10 older people with my turkey...

As I was wandering the rest of the store, I saw another lady lecturing her husband to 'STAY PUT' and 'DO NOT LEAVE THIS SPOT'. The poor gentleman was in an electric wheelchair and had little choice but stay put, there were people all around him, pushing shopping carts all over and would not let him move even if he wanted to. I really felt that the store needed to install a traffic stop at that location so the poor man could navigate his chair away. I did not stay to see if he remained where his wife ordered him to stay, but odds are, he was stuck anyway.

There was another lady in another electric chair/scooter that got trapped in the fresh produce section. She was trying to get some celery but got boxed in by several people with shopping carts. The poor woman tried to back up, turn, go forward, anything just to move, but the people around her would not move their carts. I stepped back to allow her out, but as I moved out of the way to let her through, someone else with yet another cart pushed through the hole I created and dashed in front of this poor woman. The woman eventually got out of the produce section, and I just as quickly wandered off to the checkout stand.

The checkout line was just as entertaining with people jockeying for position in the quickest stand. There was no option for a short line as all the check out stands were open and they all had lines about 5 -7 people deep with shopping carts heavily loaded. The key was to find the fastest moving line. I didn't care, I was enjoying the show. After checking out, I was grateful to have gotten out of the grocery store unscathed and even happier to have pulled out of the parking lot. I could go on about the drivers in the parking lot, but we do not have all night...

Hopefully this brightened your day. Until tomorrow...

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